the embroidered ball would have hit me first time, and the princess would have taken me for her husband. That would have been marvellous, terrific. I’m handsome and good-looking: I’d have been just the man. We’d all have been in luck and have had a good time. It’d have been real fun.”

Friar Sand went up to Pig, rubbed his face and said, “Shameless, you’re shameless! That’s a handsome mug, I must say. You’re like the man who bought an old donkey for three-tenths of an ounce of silver and boasted that he’d be able to ride it. If she’d hit you first time she wouldn’t have wanted to wait till tonight before burning spells to get rid of you. Do you think she’d have let trouble like you into the palace?”

“You’re being very disagreeable, you blacky,” Pig replied. “Ugly I may be, but I’ve got class. As the old saying goes, ‘When skin and flesh are coarse, the bones may yet be strong: everyone is good at something.’”

“Stop talking nonsense, idiot,” Monkey retorted, “and pack the baggage. I expect the master will get anxious and send for us, so we must be ready to go to protect him at court.”

“You’re wrong again, brother,” said Pig. “If the master’s become the king’s son-in-law and gone to take his pleasure with the king’s daughter, he won’t be climbing any more mountains, or tramping along the road, or running into demons and monsters. So what’ll he want you to protect him from? He’s old enough to know what happens under the bedcovers. He won’t need you to hold him up.”

Monkey grabbed Pig by the ear, swung his fist, and said abusively, “You’re as dirty-minded as ever, you cretin! How dare you talk such nonsense!”

While they were in the middle of their quarrel the hostel superintendent came to report, “His Majesty has sent an official here with a request for you three holy monks to present yourselves.”

“What’s he really asking us to go for?”

“The senior holy monk had the good fortune to be hit by the princess’s golden ball and be taken as her husband,” the superintendent replied, “which is why the official has come with invitations for you.”

“Where is the official?” Monkey asked. “Send him in.”

The official then bowed in greeting to Monkey, after which he did not dare look straight at Monkey as he muttered to himself, “Is it a ghost? a monster? a thunder god? a yaksha?”

“Why are you mumbling instead of saying whatever you have to say, official?” Monkey asked.

Trembling with terror, the official raised the royal edict with both hands as his words came tumbling out in confusion: “Her Royal Highness—invitation—meet her new relations—Her Royal Highness—meet her relations—invitation....”

“We’ve got no torture equipment here and we’re not going to beat you,” Pig said, “so don’t be frightened and take your time telling us.”

“Do you think he’s scared you’re going to beat him?” Monkey said. “What he’s scared of is your ugly mug. Get the carrying-pole load packed up at once. We’re taking the horse and going to court to see the master and talk things over.” Indeed:

One you meet on a narrow path is hard to avoid;

Determination can turn love to hatred.

If you do not know what was said when they met the king, listen to the explanation in the next installment.